amanda

I will add a picture later but right now I am cant

 I've been gone for 9 months doin nonsense and livin life and havin stress
Im depressed have anxiety have anxiety attacks because of stress
like wow excuse my poor grammar and sentence structure its been a long....year.
long month, long week, long day.
whatever. its been suck lately.

 anyhow boyfriend told me he hated me
changed all his passwords
im pretty sure he just dumped me

 so i..idk i feel like its been coming
he hates so many things about me
i have 2 rules for him:
1) dont associate with whores(aka people who try to sleep with you and/or people who talk shit about me)
2) dont watch porn

 he breaks both rules CONSTANTLY with no cares about how i feel

 like normally, i dont care about porn.
all my exes live in texas i mean
all my exes know that i dont care about porn
its the way that The Boy handles it

 he's sneaky, secretive, lies about it
its like he's hiding something more
and then it leads to like, behavior issues
he starts to do things because of his porn
unacceptably shitty things

 but i digress.
he hates me. thats that.
 BUT THEN LIKE.

 im pretty upset but like ive cried so much lately
that its really hard to do so anymore
so im down, depressed, stressed out
 almost had an anxiety attack when i was outside The Boys house

 go home, get online and like.
 talk.
to someone.
someone i havent spoken to in a long time

its a little awkward
im tellin them about how i wanna get outta texas
i feel like im not going anywhere in life
i think im needy and just overall a fucking mess
 and they just tell me something

AND IM I CANT I CANT EVEN WHAT IS ANYTHING
 its like good news that you never thought youd hear because you never expected it
because you didnt want it, but you dont mind it
but man its.

it makes you feel important. meaningful. worthwhile.
 and when you havent felt any of those things in months
in a year its just.
its more than i can take

I'm...happy. I'm so happy.